Why Weight

How to Talk to Your Partner About Being Overweight

By Katherine Wells


Their eyes met across a crowded room...they were the only ones in it, but they'd got so large any room they were in was crowded. Romance amongst the plus sizes; is it true romance or are they making do knowing they can't do 'any better'? It's a question that has been thought of many times but is seldom asked. An even more taboo question is how to address weigh issues when two fit and healthy people form a relationship and one packs on the pounds. Can we fall 'out of love' with someone because they have changed physically?

Talking to your partner about something they are doing that upsets you is never an easy subject to broach. Talking to anyone about their increasing size is plainly and simply a minefield. It follows then that beginning a conversation with your partner about their weight is a surefire way to get yourself a large dose of the cold shoulder. But if the subject is never broached it will just continue to get bigger (as you do). If the person packing on the pounds is a woman then the issue is going to be even worse. Like it or not, men are very visual and as you become less attractive to him his eye is more likely to wander elsewhere. With luck it is just his eyes that wander, but divorce rates are rising at approximately the same rates as obesity, and that may or may not be a coincidence.

Recently my husband broached this issue with me, and he did it more or less perfectly, so I am going to use that as my base for how to approach your partner about being overweight. Some aspects will change depending on you and your relationship, but if you are looking for advise on talking to an overweight partner this can be used as a good base.

Step One - Broaching the Topic.

Wait for the right time, but don't wait forever. The very best time to bring up weight as a problem is right after the person in question just has. I'll give you an example that happened in my case. I'd sunk into the sofa rather more than normal and struggled to get up. My husband handled it well: "I've noticed that is bothering you more and more" to which I agreed and he asked "Is there anything else that is bothering you about your size?" It was very neatly done. It was all about me and how I felt about my weight.

Step Two - Add Your Own Feelings

Let them talk about how they feel for a little while. Use reinforcing comments that are supportive yet keep them talking. You'll be surprised what comes out if you actually put yourself in the role of listener and confidante and just let your partner vent all her problems. When she has run out of steam(and is probably quite surprised at everything she just bought up), it's time to add your own biggest concern. Phrase it in a way that is a concern about them, not about you.
For instance my husband said "I've noticed it seems to be making you more grumpy" or something similar. Had he said "And you keep snapping at me" it would have had much less effect. Later in the conversation he could say things like that and by then we were both having quite a laugh, but for now it's too early.

Step Three - Talk about a Solution

Here is the key. You can't let things turn into a bitching session, at some point you need to address how you are going to deal with the problem. The easiest I guess is if you both have the problem because you can look at dieting and working out together. If it's just your partner you need to be supportive of them and recognize that you are asking them to go down a difficult road. Losing weight is never easy, but it is a lot easier with the support of another person.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it is an easy thing to do, but I will say that it may be easier than you think. If your partner has a weight problem it almost definitely bothers them at least as much as it bothers you. If you are tactful they will welcome the chance to talk things over, especially if you have some practical solutions for them.

The battle against being obese or overweight is much easier if you confront it with a sense of humor and a great deal of family support. My own efforts to Weight Loss are jointly documented with my skinny husband on our blog - SkinnyHusbandWeightloss Come along for the journey as my wife and I work together to help her lose weight.
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posted by Cheryl Levesque @ 1:11 PM